Fading Into Nothing
by FreeingAlys
Summary: Huge spoilers for those who haven’t seen Our Lips Are Sealed and others. You walk into the room and sit across from me at the table. I guess they sent you in as a last resort. [Pemma]


**Title: **Fading Into Nothing  
**Rating: **T**  
Author: **Freeing Alys**  
Disclaimer: **I don't own Degrassi or anything affliated with it. That all goes to CTV and The-N.**  
Summary: **You walk into the room and sit across from me at the table. I guess they sent you in as a last resort. Pemma Huge spoilers for those who haven't seen Our Lips Are Sealed and others.**  
Author's Note: **My first 2nd person point of view piece. Tell me what you think of it. I'm rather proud.

**Fading Into Nothing**

You walk into the room and sit across from me at the table. You stare closely at the plate of the food that had been sitting in front of me for the last hour. I guess they sent you in as a last resort. Maybe you'll get me to eat. Who knows? "Emma." You whisper and lightly touch my right hand. I feel the warmth of your fingers sink into my skin and I pull away. I almost hate that feeling now. The emptiness in my stomach, my rapid heart beat, the dizziness and sickness are the only feelings that I really like anymore.

"Don't." I finally let out lightly and I place my hands in my lap so you won't touch them again. I hate to feel in love, or at least almost in love. It makes me think there's too much out there for me. That doesn't exsist for me anymore. I just need the control. It's all I need.

"Why?" You ask in that famous voice. The one I almost fell in love with months ago.

"I broke up with you Peter. We're done." I tell you hoping you'll get the message and leave me alone. I don't need anyone anymore. I lean back in my chair and let my eyes gaze around the hospital cafiteria. I hate this hospital and I want to break free from it. But I can't and I know it.

"So?" You ask me, and I don't answer. "I still care about you." You add and I feel my heart skip a beat. But I'm sure it's just from the starvation.

"I don't care about you anymore Peter." I lie and I hope that you'll believe it. But of course you don't, you know me too well. You know me almost as well as he did. Sean is like you and I think that's why I'm almost in love with you.

"Fine Emma." You say and stand up from the table. That was one move I wasn't expecting. That's another way you're like Sean, you surprise me. You keep me on my toes. And I love that. Or at least I used to, before I found control.

I watch you scoot the chair back in under the table and walk to the door. "They won't let you go anywhere until you eat that." You warn me and open up the door a little bit. And my heart starts to beat faster, and I know it's not the starvation. That was just my own little distraction that I created. A distraction to keep me from you.

"Peter…" I let out as you put one foot out of the door and I watch a smile tingle on your lips and you turn to face me.

"Yeah?" You ask me and for the first time that day, or maybe that week, I crack a smile.

"Come sit with me." I plead with you and I pat the spot at the table you were just sitting at, and I swear my bony fingers can feel you. The presence you left behind when you stood up from the table.

You nod and walk back over to the table and sit across from me. "Will you eat?" You ask and I can't answer that right away. I don't want to. I can't face the food or the calories or the full stomach. I just can't and I somehow can't explain that to you.

"I think I'm almost in love with you." I spit out while staring at the almost cold food in front of me, I hope this will distract you from the food.

"I love you." You say back and I know I should be in love with you. But I can't get myself to reach that point. It's too high of a point. And I know I'll fall back down when we hit a rough patch. I always do.

"Why?" I ask tearing my gaze from the food and into your eyes. They look so much better to me anyway.

"You're strong, or at least you were, you know who you are, or least you did know…" You say and I realize I let you down. I'm not who I used to be when we met. Hell, I'm not who I used to be when I was in love with Sean. I'm fading into nothing. And I think I'm loving the feeling.

"I'm sorry I let you down." I tell you and I see you nod your head.

"Fix it them Emma. Eat." You tell me and I lightly nod my head.

"I'll try." I say turning my gaze back to the food and I stare at it. And you stare at me staring at it. You think I'm crazy, I don't like food. It is crazy. But it's not about food. And I can't get you to see that.

"It's okay." You whisper and I feel the tears pop to the front of my eyes. You're being nice. You're being everything I need but I still can't eat for you. I can't do it.

"It's not." I crack out, tears finally spilling down my thining face. "I can't do it."

I close my eyes, because I've always hated the way I look when I cry. And I don't want you to see that. "Just one bit Emma. Eat one bit and I'll tell your doctor, then you can go back to your room. I'll go back with you." You bribe me and I want to laugh. I don't know why. I just love you-yes love-and I want to kiss you. So I do.

Your lips are the same as they were when I last touched them. Chappy, but soft and full of love for me. "I'll do it." I say when you pull back from me. I pick up my fork off the super white table and poke a steamed carrot. Closing my eyes I take it to my lips and leave it there for a minute. _No calories. Nothing. Just food. Just Peter. _I tell myself, but I still don't like the feeling of food on my lips. I hate it. It makes me want to throw up.

But I shove it into my mouth anyway. Because I love you. I open my eyes again and watch you smile at me. You're happy. I finally made you happy. I swallow the carrot and automatically all the ways to work it off pop into my mind. And I try to shove them away. They don't fully dissaper. But it's a start. "There." You say and I lean closer to you again. I want to kiss you again.

"I love you." I say allowing myself to pull from the 'almost-in-love' phase.

You smile and kiss me on the lips lightly and quickly. And I love it. "Let's go see your doctor. She's waiting out there for you." You say jerking your head towards the door.

"Okay." I say and stand carefully out of the chair I was sitting in. I have to be careful standing up and walking. Every minute I'm standing is another minute I could fall, collapse, or pass out. You take my cold, bony hand into your soft one and we walk to the door. When I give you the cue you open the door and I face my doctor. You tell her what I accomplished and she smiles. Then we go back to my room and you kiss me again. And I feel happy.

But when you pull away from me you get a look on your face, and I know you know. I know you know I'm fading into nothing. And no one can undo it.

THE END


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